Friday, October 13, 2017
Shadanhojinhokubuchiku - Yow !
Scared to visit doctors, from previous experiences, I only use them when I have to.
The past few months, I hadn't been feeling well but, try to hide it.
Finally, I got half scared to death and decided, it would be a good time to turn myself-in.
Almost three years ago, I had been in this hospital for surgery. It's up in Nago, Okinawa.
They cut me open and installed some mesh, to patch a blowout in my belly.
It was fun, joking with the nurses and sneaking off the fourth floor, to get outside.
No smoking rules, forced me to ground level, past the mortuary, to get outside and smoke.
The doctor let me cut my visit a few days short because, I recovered so quickly.
Shadanhojinhokubuchiku is the hospital, I was in and decided to go back there.
Those mesh patches, feel sorta funny, when installed in your pelvis.
After awhile, you get used to it and, life goes on, as usual. It beats being dead, I think.
Some gal back in the USA, won 57 million dollars because of a mesh lawsuit.
It seems Johnson & Johnson, got caught selling defective patches and has to pay, now.
The woman, had all sorts of problems, with the mesh and, felt like she was on fire.
Back around June, of this year, my mesh started burning, down there in my lower tummy.
Not really interested in becoming a millionaire, I decided to get a checkup.
What if, they quit selling that mesh in the USA and, sent some to Japan ?
Certain, I was about to be admitted, I traveled light. Just carried a few extra smokes.
All appointments, for the next few weeks, were put on hold.
Keys, a few hundred dollars, cameras and, other junk I usually carry, were left at home.
Just the wife and a daughter, drove me to the hospital. The dog I said, "Later Stinky."
When you check-in at the front desk, they decide, where to send you next.
This, I'll call station #4. There must have been 35 people, who arrived before me.
Orthopaedics, I had to google. I figured, it had something to do with bones.
An hour wait at the front desk and, another hour stuck here. Groan.
Blood pressure, heartbeat and a few other things, eventually got checked.
Poor little nurse, couldn't reach high enough to measure my height so, I did it myself.
Once, they decide, which doctor you need, you get to wait another hour.
Soon, I started telling the wife and daughter, "It's a miracle. I'm cured. Let's go home."
A gorgeous, late twenties, almond-eyed, long-haired, gal in a blue uniform, greeted us.
The wife comes along, to help with the hearing and translation.
She gets informed about my last visit and, pulls up all my records on the computer.
Meanwhile, I do stuff like, look at her fingers and, see there are no rings.
She has me, get up on a table for examination and, I had to pull my shorts down, a little ways.
She started poking around, looking for the scar, from my last surgery.
Sort of a gorilla, it took her awhile to find the spot. Then, she pokes around there.
"Does this hurt?" she asks. "Yeah. That's why I came here. It burns, like fire." I told her.
She wanted my pants down lower and had me raise my fanny up a bit.
Then, she pulled everything down to my knees and had me spread my legs.
Holy crap. The gal started, sticking her hands all over my crotch, probing and squeezing !
"Does it hurt here? How about, when I do this? Pain here?"
"No, sweetie. You're making everything feel fine. It doesn't hurt down there." I told her.
The doctor determined, some sort of internal images, should be taken and, away we went.
"That gal's too young to be a doctor. She's cute. Did you see what she did to me?" I asked the wife.
"Why didn't you punch her in the face?" I said, while we walked to the next station.
The wife said, "She's a doctor, doing her job. Maybe, she's an intern. That's why she's young."
Well, I sort of enjoyed it but if, I saw some young guy, do that to you, I'd knock them out."
At the EKKO Station, the missus, waited outside and, I went in with a 3/4 good-looking gal.
She slapped some grease on me and, watched a TV screen, while rubbing a machine around.
Both sides of my pelvis got viewed but, she kept away from the Tinker Toys. Yeah !
Another hour or, two and, we got to see my favorite doctor, again.
The doctor, after looking at the pictures, said everything looks normal. I could go home.
Duh. My belly's on fire. That's not normal, to me !
That's one, I have never experienced and told the doctor. MRI, I've done some.
She said it was similar to an MRI, just a different machine.
They gave me some sort of transfusion machine, hooked-up and taped to my arm.
Took some blood and, pumped juice in me and, I'd have to wait an hour.
No eating lunch. Dammit, it was going on two o'clock and, I was hungry.
"No smoking," a gal told us. But, the wife whispered, "She said, one was OK."
The wife, couldn't stay there in the room. "No problem," I told her.
In case, they spoke Japanese only, I could understand, "Hold still and, hold your breath."
The machine, was similar to an MRI, just smaller. It wasn't like going into a coffin.
The gadget, on my arm, got colored juice, pumped into an artery.
The machine buzzed and, I spent about half an hour on the table, moving in and out.
When done, they unhooked me and, when I stood up, felt like a drunk.
That's something I've become accustomed to so, it was easy navigating through the hospital.
The results of the CT were delivered back to the nurses at my doctor's station.
Knowing it may take another hour, I had the wife and daughter waiting and, got more smokes.
The lady doctor, finally had us brought in but, didn't feel me, this time.
After looking at all the evidence and, consulting with the big doctors, she knew.
The burning sensation is caused by some nodules. I can get pain killers.
Nope. I don't want some drugs, to numb my brain so, I won't feel the burning.
We settled on some medicine, that's like Vitamin B 12. I got a month's supply.
And, I have another appointment, with the lady doctor in two weeks, for a checkup.
When she asks how I feel, I'll say, "I don't know. You tell me."
The wife knows, I like to clown around and, is happy to have me home.
She told the daughter about my thrilling experience with the young lady doctor.
They both had a good laugh and, we went out to dinner, while in the big city.
With my Japanese health insurance, it cost about 150 bucks, for everything, yesterday.
It would have totaled over $17,000 if, I had no health insurance. Probably more, in the USA.
When I go back, I'll ask the doctor, "Could you add a little Viagra, to that medicine?"
Then, start dancing around the room singing, "I'm the Hoochie Coochie Man."