Sunday, February 6, 2011

Mr. Coffee, Now You Dunnit (Photo and Rant)

Most days, I don't go around shooting coffeepots but, today Mr. Coffee has me ranting and I'm going to let the whole world know about it. I've been using Mr. Coffee machines for years without complaining.

Mr. Coffee, I'm talking to you here. "If you're trying to get rid of a product-loyal customer, now you dunnit".

DISCLOSURE: I ain't gettin' paid for this but, I probably should be.

In the photo above you see my brand new Mr. Coffee TF Series 12-Cup Coffeemaker on the left.
On the right is the old one I drug back in the house out of the pile of junk I plan on hauling to the dump, someday. I decided I'm going to keep it. I like my old Mr. Coffee better. I'll just have to fix it.

There's always a pile of junk in my front yard.  I like to keep enough stuff stacked up in plain view from the front gate just in case somebody's coming around to take pictures for the Redneck Yard of the Month. 

I've been trying to win that prestigious award for several years without much luck.

Well, I've repaired my coffee machines in the past, even though I'm not an authorized Mr. Coffee Service Center Technician. I figure, I paid for the darn thing and can do whatever I want with it.

Here's what I have to say about that new machine. Number one is: What kind of idiot Researchers and Developers came up with the idea of making a coffee machine black ?

Maybe, I've been out of the country too long. Is everybody buying black kitchen appliances these days ? 

I'm not exactly an interior decorater so the only black appliances in my kitchen would be my laptop and cameras, the trouble light I use (hanging from a cup screw over the table) in case there's ever any trouble and, maybe, the one black dog I have.

He's the kitchen vacuum. I don't know if a dog qualifies as an appliance, though.

The good old Mr. Coffee had a glass pot. You could see what's inside the thing.  Like, tell if there was any coffee left and how much there was left. Imagine that ! 

You could tell if the wife washed the thing or not.  Maybe, even see if she put any rat poison or metal shavings in there.

The new Mr. Coffee has this stupid thing they call a Thermal Carafe. You can't see through it.

Your wife could put a Brillo Pad in there, rat poison and ground up glass and you'd never know until you're writhing in the throes of death on the kitchen floor.

Where do these stupid words like decanter and carafe come from, anyway?

Can't we just say stuff like "coffee pot" and quit trying to act like some kind of multilingual foreigners?

A coffee pot is a coffee pot. It's that simple. Quit trying to act like you're European, Mr. Coffee. Hear me?

Serious coffee drinkers, like me, drink several quarts (liters) a day. We're up before the sun. We stumble around in the dark making our coffee, early in the morning.

We don't want to turn on all the lights in the house just to find the BLACK COFFEE POT.

When we remember where we stashed the three pound can of coffee grounds, we don't want to open the top of the coffee maker and have to fiddle around with some stupid-black-plastic arm that has to be moved out of the way so we can dump our coffee grounds in the machine.

The little LED clock on my old coffee maker was alright. It had bright red numbers on it. You could read it in the dark. And, if you had a power interruption, during the night, it would tell you by flashing 12:00, 12:00, 12:00 in bright red LED numbers.

My new TF Series has black LED numbers on it. Black numbers on a black coffee maker. Duh.
I suppose, I could carry a flashlight when I go to make my morning coffee. That'd help.

Get this: The newfangled, stainless steel, thermal decanter doohickey IS NOT DISHWASHER SAFE !

In Japan, only extremely wealthy, lazy people have dishwashers.  I'm not extremely wealthy but, I am lazy. The wife is the dishwasher. Maybe, that decanter is not safe around her.

Mr. Coffee, you really dunnit, this time. Just as soon as my morning coffee kicks-in and I'm done ranting about that new machine, I'm going to fix the old one. It was a much better coffee maker.



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